There’s a running joke in my family that every 2-3 years, I’ll tire of my location or job and move. I don’t appreciate being the butt of this joke, though attempting to argue would be a fruitless exercise. Since graduating high school in 2013, I’ve lived in five different locales, an average location change every 2.4 years, exactly in the middle of that 2–3-year range. Damn.
A Common Feeling of Constriction
As you’ll discover, the five locales couldn’t be more different. There is, however, a common gut feeling I experience prior to relocating, one of paralyzing constriction. It’s arguably the most powerful negative feeling a human can experience from a meta-physical and physical perspective. A claustrophobic whale wedged in a viewing tank.
Escaping Constriction
We can escape this awful feeling by first looking internally. As mentioned, constriction can either be a meta-physical or physical sensation. Meta-physical constriction is restriction of your internal environment. Think of the times you’ve told yourself “I can’t do X”, “If I only had X”, or some variation of those statements? These are internal restrictions derived from overwhelming feelings of inadequacy.
To generalize, and to not confuse it with the criminal act, physical constriction is when your external environment transitions from being novel to being ordinary. You have explored every last crevasse and taken every opportunity afforded. The landscape is barren and dull, and amongst it you begin to insinuate cynicism. All that remains is the nostalgia of when you first arrived, and even those memories are distorted.
The Power of Complete Objectivity
Inadequacy and nostalgia: each sensation a well-crafted, double-edged sword. All you need to do is observe the world to comprehend the domain these sensations hold over our lives. Returning to the original question, how do we remedy these sensations? Two words: complete objectivity.
Objectivity means numbers. Don’t overthink this statement. I’m well aware there are plenty of cases where numbers are manipulated to enhance a narrative. However, those instances are irrelevant when it comes to evaluating personal circumstances. I expect in this situation you would not lie to yourself. What we’re going to look at now is a methodology anybody can follow to answer the provocative question posed by the piece’s title.
Is the Problem You, or Where You Are?
I’ve leveraged this methodology many times since graduating high school, but not nearly as often as I should’ve. The instances I used it resulted in significant progress and the best times of my adult life. The instances I didn’t use it resulted in short-sighted decisions costing me significant time, money, and opportunity. For the sake of this piece, we’re going to focus on the five instances I changed locales – starting when I graduated high school in Ann Arbor, MI and ending with my move from Savannah, GA to Charlotte, NC.
Methodology Pt. 1 – Categories
Before we dive in, we must set the parameters. The first ones are the categories. These categories will vary circumstantially, but they must be underpinned by one or two deep questions. For this example, here are the categories I used and the questions underpinning them:
Growth Opportunity – Were there enough opportunities to grow? Did I maximize them?
Social Life – Were there enough like-minded individuals to form a community?
Culture – Did the environment support my growth? Did the attitude of its people align with my own?
Circumstance – Was I forced to leave? If not, was there a highly compelling and logical reason to do so?
Methodology Pt. 2 – Quantification
The second parameter is the quantity assigned to each category. I chose to use a “1”, “0.5”, or “0”. The “1” and “0” signify a strong leaning to the category being a problem with me or where I was. I used the “0.5” when I couldn’t determine a significant leaning. The third parameter is the notes column, and this is where you must be objective about your reasoning behind the numbers. Be direct and honest, and cruel when necessary.
Parameters set, the totals of the “Me” and “Where I Am” columns will subsequently indicate the answer. Whether or not you like it is irrelevant. It’s only goal is to present an evaluation of your current state.
I’ve done enough stage setting. Here are the results of my five locales:
Ann Arbor, MI
Madison, WI
San Francisco, CA
Salt Lake City, UT
Savannah, GA
Download these Locale Spreadsheets HERE:
Result – The Problem Was Me
14-6 in favor of the problem being me. In hindsight, I believe that result is accurate. Historically, I’ve left countless opportunities on the table for illogical, selfish reasons. Again, I’m certain these reasons and specific situations will further reveal themselves in future pieces, therefore there’s no need to go into any more detail here.
As somebody who’s felt constricted too many times, I cannot encourage you enough to ask the obvious questions posed in this piece. There are few feelings equal in magnitude to that of being trapped. This evaluation process is paramount for the journey of being more to succeed. You owe it to yourself to ask the simple questions. Otherwise, why are you here?
Be More.
Become Polymathic.
Quote of the Week: “Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakens.” – Carl Jung